Thursday, September 28, 2006

My week so far

Tonight I finally get to rest. Spend some time with Cait and just have fun. We've not had an evening to ourselves in nearly a week and tomorrow after work I take her over to her dad's for the weekend.

Monday we went to the soccer game after work. Co-worker's daughter was playing and Cait just loves to watch them play soccer. :) Hollaring her name when we got on the field. I brought a blanket and McDonald's so we just sat and ate and watched the game. She had to run off with the kids and play afterwards, she had a blast. Cait was really good, too, I told her not to go far, and she ran off, I was watching her. The kids kept going and she stopped and looked at me to see if it was ok. I nodded and she took off. IT was really good, cause she kept coming back and asking if she was too far, or coming to check in. Good kid! Then since we hadn't gotten around to groceries Sunday, just too exhausted after the class stuff, we had to go Monday after the game, so by the time we got home it was bath/bedtime. Good thing we did Micky D's.

Tuesday I had my Board Meeting at work, and since her babysitter let me know MOnday after I picked her up that she had something come up and couldn't watch her, I had to ask my co-worker at the soccer game if she'd do it. Course, she did. So, I only had an hour to feed her, so we just ran to Fazoli's and sat and shared spaghetti and breadsticks. She just loves going out to eat and has been so good lately! Not having accidents except for over night and listening. Just tons of fun. IT's great. So, I took her over there and she turned into Puppy Girl, crawling everywhere and barking, lovely. :) But she had a good time and I was able to get out of my meeting in an hour. So, that was wonderful. Course my friend's daughter was watching the first Gilmore Girls show of the season, she's a fan like me. So, I sat and watched it, while Cait ran around the house some more. Which was good, cause she didn't want to leave yet and she had a while to get used to the idea of leaving. And I got to watch my Gilmore Girls!!! :) It's just so nice to know I've made some good friends. I never had this when I was married. Seems like I stopped going out with all my friends cause he was always so jealous asking me where I was. Questioning me and being angry and accusing, when he was the one running around on me. I feel like I've really made a place for myself and my little girl.

So, yet again it was late when we got home, just after 8pm. And get this, as if I hadn't enough to do, I did 3 miles on the bike downstairs after I put her to bed. I think I had a lot on my mind, had to de-stress. So, when I fell into bed. I was out. But it was nice that my fireman called and I got to chat with him a little bit. He's still moving things, and was very tired but wanted to get it all done that night. We just chatted for a while, since he was driving between loads. Course, it's always good to say hi to him.

Last night, we went to the Wednesday night church thing. It was good, I was asked to help serve. We just did drinks. So, I left work a little early and got Cait and we ate first, since there's a supper before hand. So, we ate and then she was able to pick at it while I got drinks for people. It was nice, a bunch of people came up and said hi to me. I like that I know so many of them from work. So, then we had a little dessert and it was bible study time and I took her to her class, which she loved and I knew two of the teachers in her room. I went to the pastor's bible study, which was good and we worked in small groups, so we all got a chance for input. And they asked me to pray, and I did a group prayer. I've never done that before. Prayed with everyone's interest/from their input. I was kinda nervous, but one guy said I did a good job. It was weird they asked me too, the youngest in a group, plus there were 2 men. I know that's a sexist remark, but it kinda made me feel good that they thought I could handle that. That they let me speak on their behalf. So, that was good, and I picked up Cait and she didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay, she said. :) But we went home and I let her have a snack and bath, had to put her to bed. Talked to my mom a bit while I sat at the table, making sure she was asleep. Then I was so beat, I could hardly keep my eyes open. So, I took my magazine and went to bed and just when I was going to put it up and turn the lights out, my fireman called. He was working last night and called from the firehouse. We chatted for a bit. He's all excited about seeing me tomorrow, me too! I think we're going to watch The Lake House. I'm planning on making meatloaf and maybe collard greens, baked potato. He would like that. He may not be able to make it to supper cause he doesn't know when he's going to drop off his kids. That's ok. I can cook anyway, if he doesn't make it, I'll just eat it and have leftovers for the weekend. He has to finish moving his things out of his old place today and is so tired he'll probably fall out in the process. :) I wish he'd just let me help him, he may have to if he's not finished by tomorrow. Stubborn man. ;) Not that I can say much. His brother was supposed to help him move the heavy stuff and can't do that until tomorrow morning now. And I told him, I could help him at lunch today or if I needed to, I could have another friend from work come and help keep an eye on Cait so we can get some done. But course he doesn't want to be bothersome. He has to be "The Man". LOL I can laugh about it cause I would do the same thing. I know it's ridiculous, and yet I do it too. Maybe when I go home at lunch today I'll call him to make sure it's going ok. Good excuse to call him too. :)
I don't know if he would want to bring his bike and us go for a ride, I still never have got to do that and would like to sometime. Or I could show him how to use his sewing machine he bought a while back. He's been wanting to learn and I've told him I'd help him. I think he wants to make some curtains for his new house. That'd be fun and easy.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Busy weekend

Man it's been a busy week. I guess I should back up. I didn't talk about last weekend at all! Went to my mom's after work with my little Cait. She was all sorts of excited. My Grandparents came over after we got there for supper. So, we all had supper together and Cait was, as always the life of the party. :) She's such a booger. She dances and makes a production of anything! While we 'women folk' did dishes she played ponies in the living room where 'the men folk' sat on the couches and chatted and watched her. My mom made her famous turtle brownies. They really are amazing. And some coffee, if I can dare call it that. I mean, come on... it's decaf and it's weak. But I'd never say that to my mom. Then we all sat at the table and ate our desserts, yum yum.

Then Saturday we just hung around and went outside and walked around the farm. Looked at the porch that my dad's working on. You know, it's amazing. I'm telling you, it's like he can do anything. I joke about it, but it's so true. He just is exact and careful and will make it look like it was commissioned by an architect. It'll be a wrap around the corner, front to side door. And it's all thought out and planned. I think that's so amazing. It must be where I get my planning from. I have so much respect for that man. So cool.

Then we had lunch and went down to see my grandparents. My grandpa had told Cait that he'd take her on the dune buggy. I don't know if it's truly a dune buggy or not, but it's a little blue car with no top and a roller bar behind the front seats. Course, it comes to my chin, so if we did roll, my head would come off. Yay. But it was fun. We didn't go real crazy. I sat in the back with the little one and we rode around the field and out around town (pop. 100), tiny, but still, it has a township. It was fun, we went in a couple of ditches and Cait giggled and squealed. Very fun time. And then we got back and she wanted to do it again, so my grandpa got out his tracter. She loves tracter rides, but he let her get on it and had it in first gear, REALLY slow and she drove it around. Now, remember she's only 3 years old. She was steering this thing around his garden and orchard like she had been driving for, well, at least a year. :) He'd say, now don't run into my tree, to go around it and she'd grab that steering wheel and turn and turn it, knowing where to go. I was surprised. Course, it was moving an inch per second or something. Chug....chug....chug...chug... :) But she even parked it back in the barn among the hay bales. He helped her telling her which way to go, but she got it in the doorway (with only a foot leeway on each side) and turned it and got it parked. Yep, she's gonna be a racecar driver!! Or a bus driver.... LOL

Then we went to the Moose for dinner, lots of old people, but I have to say, old people are so much fun. They really crack me up. I don't think I realized how funny old people were until I got older. They say things that you don't get the innuendo or the back story of until you have been around a while. But I just listen to them and laugh and laugh. We had to come home after supper, though, so we drove back as it was getting dark and I had Meatloaf playing. Much fun. I do love a road trip. Even if it's only an hour drive. I like that fine.

So, we got home and put Cait to bed and got a few hours of free time. Course, I talked to my fireman. :) Did a little floor exercises. I had church in the morning, which is why I came home early, my second confirmation class, so I didn't want to miss church and getting Cait to a sunday school. Had a fun time on the phone too. Sat outside with a cup of good coffee, it was nice and cold, had a blanket, ...wonderful... :)

I have to hand it to her again. Cait went to her sunday school class without a hitch. Not like last time I tried, a few months ago where I didn't get to leave the room. Great, I prepared her and she knew what was going on and had a great time. She was confused about the school thing. She said, "Mom, I can't go to school till next year!" I said, "Yes, dear, but this is church school." So, she got that difference and it processed into sense then in her little head and she was good. :) I then had to find a class for me to go to. I know a lady that has a ladies group, but I couldn't find it, wonder if she isn't doing it anymore. So, I found the pastor and asked him (I asked 3 other people and they sent me wrong places), so he said to follow him and we went to his class in the little chapel. I was by far the youngest in the group, and one of the few women, but I dont' mind that, it was a good group and I enjoyed myself. Cait had a good time and sat through the service afterwards very well!

I then took her home, fed her and then had to take her to the cook's house (the cook from the school I work at). She's a friend of mine and watched her for me while I went back to church for #2 of 3 confirmation classes. Just one to go now. Cait was good and she didn't even mind being left somewhere where she didn't know the people much or the place at all. The class was really good, it was about your personal walk with God and personal devotion and fellowship with other Christians. I enjoyed the time and the guy leading the class really opened up and gave some great points, talking about being open, which I'm really bad at. It really made me think about how I don't like to let people in and how that is a weakness and God wants us to fellowship. It strengthens us. 2 or 3 strands are stronger than 1. THis is true. It's just so easy to rely on me only and be by myself. It's comfortable here. No let downs, you know? Well, it's something to think about anyway.

So, we had a good time. I'm going to stop here cause that's a lot of stuff. We were both tired it seemed when I picked her up we didn't do the grocery thing like I had planned. But that's okay. We got around to it Monday after the Soccer game. But I'll elaborate further later.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Friday!

What a beautiful day today is. I've been enjoying the fall colors and the cooler weather. Course it looks like it's going to rain before long, but I"m alright with that. I like some good gloomy skies! Don't know why, but a lot of time, the dark, rainy, thing is so appealing to me. It's kind of magical, you know? You can feel the energy in the air, like the world comes to life. I really love that. The breeze feels different. It's just...alive. I don't know.

A certain Fireman friend brought in Ghirardelli chocolate to me and my co-worker friend yesterday, it was really nice. Good just to see him. He closed on his house yesterday and was just so excited about it. It was fun hearing all the plans he has. I know the feeling. I love that. So much fun stuff going on. Looking towards the future. What a wonderful thing.

Tonight I"m going to my mom & dad's after work. Get to hang out there for the night and tomorrow. Probably will come back tomorrow night so I can go to church in the morning. I have my 2nd confirmation class on Sunday afternoon. ANother friend from work is watching my little one while I'm in class. And she's all excited about it, my little one, I mean. Well, my friend is too, I think... :) She offered, so I'm pretty sure it's okay. Hopefully I can talk to my fireman tomorrow night, find out about all he's done with his new house. It'd be nice to see him. Course, he's been so busy moving, he'll probably not want to take long on the phone. Moving time and all. That's ok. I know the feeling.

My co-worker tells me that I overthink everything. I know that's true. But she tells me I make a mountain out of a molehill. Probably true too. I just wish I didn't worry so much about where I am. It's just annoying cause I think I'm pretty confident I'm at a certain place. But then I worry or think that maybe I'm taking things for granted because of one little thing that happens and I think I'm being ignorant. That's probably one of my worst problems. I get comfortable with something. But maybe it's okay. WHo knows, maybe I'm just crazy. :) Yep, that'd be about right. Just can't get away from the hedging sometimes, when I'm not prepared, you know? (There's the classic "you know") I dont' know what to do with it. I have to plan these things. Which may be the problem. ack, ack, nerves, nerves, tension, stress. :) LOL Not all bad, but it does put me on edge. Cause it's so personal and hard to open up sometimes.

My sister is 30 weeks along now, gonna have a baby boy. She's so excited, has no name yet!!! I can't imagine not having planned that out by now. I had my little one's name long before she was born. That's so fun, planning for a baby. I really wish I was closer so I could spend more time with her through her pregnancy and help with the baby like she did with me. I miss her a whole lot. It is kinda hard to be that close to someone and not see them but twice a year. THank goodness for telephones and unlimited long distance.... :)

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

WorkBusy

I have a Finance Meeting tonight right after work. I don't' like these. I mean, after the meeting I feel good, like I accomplished something, but for some reason, I get so stressed before the meeting. I think it's cause I don't know what to expect. And I have to plan. I'm a major planner. When I'm really busy I even plan my resting hours. So that I don't forget to and over-stress myself. Man, that's some serious issues there.
So, I'm stressed. Course, some of that could be because the head of the finance committee always has me do his work. And then if anything comes up, he asks if I know the answer or can do the work, when it's his job. So, if I don't know the answer or am busy, I'm flustered trying to come up with it. Very annoying. So, I"m trying to organize everything and get it all done. Yikes, it's enough to make me beat my head against the wall sometimes... :) LOL Okay, so it's not that bad, but it does make me feel pressured.

I'll be glad to get home today. Thankfully I have homemade beef stew and homemade bread at home waiting for me. See, there I go planning again.... Dontcha love it?? :)

I'm tempted to call my fireman, but he's probably busy with his boys after school already. Just to get my mind off of it, but then I'll want to talk to him for a while and they'll be here for the meeting in 30 min. Oh well, I'll talk to him later tonight. I just keep thinking about him today.

I need some coffee. I've been drinking so much coffee lately. I think maybe I should stop staying up so late. But it's nice when you're getting things done. Or maybe it's the staying up on the phone late talking to the fireman. haha Oh, well, it's worth it.....
I am smiling, so it must be. ;)

Last night I went through all my recipes that are loose leaf papers or jotted down notes and organized them. THe ones that were just jotted down messes, I wrote them on recipe cards, but the ones that were nice or printed off the internet, full pages, I organized and brought in to work with a binder and punched holes in them and labeled Desserts/ Breads/ Entrees, etc... So, I can actually use them. How cool is that?? That's a project I've been wanting to get done. And I put up my smoke alarms that the fireman bought me a bit ago, and the CO2 detector. So, now it's safer, that's good.

Last weekend with him was so much fun. He came over again and we went to this little festival in a town nearby. It was really fun, he got us pumpkin icecream and cider slushes. THen we went out to eat. We drank a lot of coffee afterwards and just sat and chatted for a long time. Then we went back to my place and also went to breakfast the next morning, it was really great too. He had me back in time for my Confirmation class I'm taking at my church. It was a really good weekend. He's just a lot of fun to be around, I enjoy his company.

He made some comment last night about his first marriage and how he thought that they had something special. And he thought he was safe with that. (I know how he means. That out of this whole world, you've found someone that accepts you as you are and you can be completely free and open with them, because they are your other half. How great is that? Completely be yourself. And then after it comes down on you, you feel...stolen somehow. That bond is broken and your confidence is kind of stolen.) And then he said how that it's so hard cause he trusted that and he felt he was part of a whole there. Now he's back on his own, even though he's happier now. I think he was trying to explain to me, that's why he's having such a hard time letting someone else in. Cause he knows I don't see him the way others do, that I accept him as he is, but he is afraid it's not real. I get that.

But I still wish he would realize, I"m not one of these people that make decisions lightly or act differently than I am. THere's no point to doing that. It's fake and it'll come through in the end. Case in point... So, why do that to anyone?

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Progress...

Tomorrow, I'll be having a Quickbooks pro out to help me with some issues before the auditors come in. So, it's nice and clean for them, but I'll take advantage of him and get him to answer a few questions I have before he leaves. Very nice timing, I think!

After work today, I have to run by Payless or somewhere and get new shoes for my little one. She's 3 now and last spring's tennis shoes do NOT fit her. Yikes! And she needs more jeans too, man she needs to quit growing. :) She still doesn't understand why she can't wear flip flops still. It's just not that warm anymore. Especially in the morning and evening.

Need to start on my Christmas list. Which is a little frustrating, but if I start now, it'll be a lot easier than trying to buy it all at once. I'll start next payday. :)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Single Mom

A mom came in work today and I was chatting with her about something and she mentioned how I'm a single mom, too, so I should understand. And that really got me thinking. I really hate that term, single mom, partly because I am now a statistic, partly because why does that get to define me? I am a mom, yes, I am also a woman, an employee, a boss, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a co-worker, an ex-wife, and a pretty decent person. That last part could be up for debate, depending on who you are. But for some reason, people find out I'm single and they just stamp me with that label. Uh, thanks? I guess I don't like how some women try to use it as a marketing strategy for quite a bit of things. When a lot of married mom's do most of the work anyway, sometimes it's the dad's, I'm NOT leaving you wonderful guys out, don't worry.

But still, it's like since we're single we should get lots of things that other mom's or dad's don't. I dont' get that. Lots of married people have those problems. And it's just the way things are. I could say, well, I can't do that cause I have no one to watch my daughter, and that's fine, but I'm not saying it like poor me. That's so annoying. It's just life. If I really want to, I'll try to find a babysitter, but I'm a mom. It's just the way the cards fall sometimes.

Testing...

First post.

Testing, 1, 2, 3..... testing. (yes, I'm really that clever)