Wednesday, September 20, 2006


I have a Finance Meeting tonight right after work. I don't' like these. I mean, after the meeting I feel good, like I accomplished something, but for some reason, I get so stressed before the meeting. I think it's cause I don't know what to expect. And I have to plan. I'm a major planner. When I'm really busy I even plan my resting hours. So that I don't forget to and over-stress myself. Man, that's some serious issues there.
So, I'm stressed. Course, some of that could be because the head of the finance committee always has me do his work. And then if anything comes up, he asks if I know the answer or can do the work, when it's his job. So, if I don't know the answer or am busy, I'm flustered trying to come up with it. Very annoying. So, I"m trying to organize everything and get it all done. Yikes, it's enough to make me beat my head against the wall sometimes... :) LOL Okay, so it's not that bad, but it does make me feel pressured.

I'll be glad to get home today. Thankfully I have homemade beef stew and homemade bread at home waiting for me. See, there I go planning again.... Dontcha love it?? :)

I'm tempted to call my fireman, but he's probably busy with his boys after school already. Just to get my mind off of it, but then I'll want to talk to him for a while and they'll be here for the meeting in 30 min. Oh well, I'll talk to him later tonight. I just keep thinking about him today.

I need some coffee. I've been drinking so much coffee lately. I think maybe I should stop staying up so late. But it's nice when you're getting things done. Or maybe it's the staying up on the phone late talking to the fireman. haha Oh, well, it's worth it.....
I am smiling, so it must be. ;)

Last night I went through all my recipes that are loose leaf papers or jotted down notes and organized them. THe ones that were just jotted down messes, I wrote them on recipe cards, but the ones that were nice or printed off the internet, full pages, I organized and brought in to work with a binder and punched holes in them and labeled Desserts/ Breads/ Entrees, etc... So, I can actually use them. How cool is that?? That's a project I've been wanting to get done. And I put up my smoke alarms that the fireman bought me a bit ago, and the CO2 detector. So, now it's safer, that's good.

Last weekend with him was so much fun. He came over again and we went to this little festival in a town nearby. It was really fun, he got us pumpkin icecream and cider slushes. THen we went out to eat. We drank a lot of coffee afterwards and just sat and chatted for a long time. Then we went back to my place and also went to breakfast the next morning, it was really great too. He had me back in time for my Confirmation class I'm taking at my church. It was a really good weekend. He's just a lot of fun to be around, I enjoy his company.

He made some comment last night about his first marriage and how he thought that they had something special. And he thought he was safe with that. (I know how he means. That out of this whole world, you've found someone that accepts you as you are and you can be completely free and open with them, because they are your other half. How great is that? Completely be yourself. And then after it comes down on you, you feel...stolen somehow. That bond is broken and your confidence is kind of stolen.) And then he said how that it's so hard cause he trusted that and he felt he was part of a whole there. Now he's back on his own, even though he's happier now. I think he was trying to explain to me, that's why he's having such a hard time letting someone else in. Cause he knows I don't see him the way others do, that I accept him as he is, but he is afraid it's not real. I get that.

But I still wish he would realize, I"m not one of these people that make decisions lightly or act differently than I am. THere's no point to doing that. It's fake and it'll come through in the end. Case in point... So, why do that to anyone?

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